Thanking

I find myself in another weird place. I think it goes along with my personality a lot; there are certain excesses that make me the lizard that i am. But, left unchecked, they can sort of go crazy. When that happens, it is very not good.

Today, I would like to spend some time thinking about NOT the lizard, and so I will mention some people are like my personal little army of saviors.

I'll think about my parents, and all the stuff that they had to do to survive a young lizard. For those of you who know me now, dial back what little maturity has come with my 21 years and add 800% hyperactivity, shrieking, and video games. They had to figure out how to cut my hair, and to get me to wear a nice coat to church on sundays. I got mad sometimes and told them I hated them, I punched walls and slammed doors. To some extent, that is what youngsters do.

I'll think about my friends who have rescued me from everything, from solitude and from myself. Every single one of them did some irreparably changing thing--they encouraged me, they carried me, they took me down a notch when I needed it. I sit alone and think how I have failed people and I wonder how I can be a better lizard tomorrow than I was yesterday.

I'll think of my siblings, who I love so much, and who I would do anything for. I think of green summer days in the soft sunlight of a time long ago. I remember fights, and hair pulling. I remember not being able to understand. I remember committing harmless childhood badnesses and feeling like the world was a thing I could own. I remember seeing them succeed, and wondering whether I could do the same.

To every single one of you: thank you.