Lizard Hood! That made me laugh. Probably just because I am tired, and the idea of me giving money to poor people is hilarious. Also, the race isn't even called Sherwood. It's shorewood. I MAKE IT BETTER.
Anyway, I apologize for the lackluster entries past, hopefully I have some more gusto in me tonight!
Here we go.
THURSDAY, THE CRACK OF DAWN
Yes, again! These northern sunrises come early and have a knack for finding the exact path through the window and into my eyeballs. Even in our luxurious dungeon, I found myself wide awake at about 8:00 am--if you know me, you know that is preposterously early in Lizard hours. We stirred, and Diego fixed us a feast of eggies and toast; Kevin, our host, showed us how to use his mysterious Dutch coffee maker.
THURSDAY, later
We went out for a spin, which felt remarkably like a mountain bike ride thanks to the "rugged" roads of Wisconsin. I.e., you catch air every three to five feet from the sweet jumps.
After our little jaunt, we stopped at a nice cafe where Diego and I had tea; Vanessa sipped an 'Orangina.' Don't ask me what this is, because I can't even say the name without laughing.
While we were relaxing, I was surprised by a tribe of ragged little hoodlum girls, each with a longboard wrapped under a prepubescent arm. These little urchins threw my cervelo to the ground (perhaps by accident, but this is a distinction I am unwilling to recognize), laughed about it, and pranced away as if this were some trivial thing.
"WOOOOOOW," I cried, finding myself unable to summon the basic powers of speech. "JUST WOOOOOOOW."
The little girls tittered with more giggles, and scrambled away, clearly sensing my ungodly rage. That's right, little girls, you'd better run. RUN. CAUSE THE LIZARD TAKES NO PRISONERS.
THURSDAY, 12:00
We retired to la casa Hardman for lunchies and to watch a show that I consider to be like as the crack cocaine. It is called 'Out of the Wild' and it makes me chuckle. Basically, like fifteen strangers subject themselves to absurd tortures of nature for no prize other than knowing that they are the craziest people alive. I may or may not still be watching it now. I will never tell.
THURSDAY, 2:45
We piled into the car to leave for the first of eleven races. We had one errand before departing to the race; this was to collect a fellow racer, Kat Carr, from her host housing and deliver her to the course where her teammates would be. We did this, with much gusto.
On the way to the course we encountered (of course) the mighty fearless femme ladies cruising over a large bridge that did not look like it had ever expected to be graced with such cycling majesty. We honked, and waved, because we have no shame.
THURSDAY, later.
We arrived at the course, and went to registration. It was here that I learned that we would be forced to wear wristbands at each race, like little tweens who try to go out to nightclubs and illegally slurp alcoholic beverages.
"These are not aero," I cried, while strapping the starred-and-striped paper thing to my arm.
"They are patriotic," Vdrigo repied.
We took to our warmups: for me, redbull and some slapping of my own face and thinking about how poor I am. Also I rode around some. But what can you do.
THURSDAY, 5:00
The race was a paltry 20 minutes out, and I was taken with a feeling I had never felt before. It was a good feeling, certainly, a feeling that I could do well if only I used all of the knowledge that I knew I had. This knowledge, sometimes given and other times taken--this was what I needed for success! I
THURSDAY, 5:24
I awaited the whistle with my heart in my throat. Next to me was Mia Loquai, who had worn the White jersey for a bit at Nature Valley. I made a mental note that I had to beat her if I wanted the amateur jersey myself. Then, the whistle blew.
I clipped in right away, which filled me with both gleeful happiness and astonishment. Things never went this well! But there I was, and they were. I did not question it, and instead followed some wheel that seemed to be going forward.
The course was a circuitous mishmash of potholes and terror. Two elongated straights connected whippy turns. All the while divets and imperfections in the road set everyone's teeth on edge. The group was twitchy, nervous, and quiet.
The pace was not fast enough to check the flow of the group. When you moved up instantly there was some new wheel coming up beside you and pushing in. Egad! I thought, unceremoniously, how does Vdrigo stay up here?! I could see her, constantly perched just sort of ahead--3 wheels ahead, or four. But of course, this meant I was at least ten-to-fifteen positions back. My standards were not high enough. But the principle of my race was good, I think, and never did I find myself in my usual last-place yoyo slot.
But, yes, it was a hectic, devilish swarm of ladies, and that is not even a good thing! This went on for quite some time, with primes being called but not really heard by anyone but the first few riders. I know this, because I confirmed it with basically everyone. EVERYONE.
With 3 to go, I was a big baby and let some girl push me toward the curb. I braked hard and lost a lot of positions. Stupid lizard! I should have pushed back, but I did not. Damn my good nature! I must be the size of two of her!!!!!! ALL I HAD TO DO WAS LEAN IN AND SCARE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow I punch her in the teeth.
Jarred by this near miss, I hit a big pothole which dropped my chain, and then I took the final turn stupidly wide and lost 10 more positions. Vanessa, for some reason, was behind me and watched me take this graceless turn with much confusion.
"I just don't know what you were doing," she later told me. Neither do I, Vanessa. Neither do I.
I finished in a mediocre 40th. I was encouraged, though, by my ability to move through the peloton (somewhat) and by how great I felt during the race.
THURSDAY, 8:00
Vanessa and I settled in for Diego's race. I was given a free "soda" from the nice people in the giant Chrome hippy van parked near us. United Healthcare pulled all their usual tricks, 1-2 and 3 on the podium. OOH WHAT A SURPRISE. SOMEONE PICK MY JAW UP OFF THE GROUND AND REATTACH IT TO MY FACE
THURSDAY, later
Diego made a rice concoction! It had eggs in in. EGGGGGG. We ate it and it was good. WE are now still watching Out of the Wild, so I will depart now. Goodnight!!
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